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About Johannesburg

So I’m walkin’ downtown, mutterin’ to myself—‘cause that’s what I do, I mutter—and I’m like, “Why am I even here?” Findin’ a prostitue ain’t like pickin’ up bagels! I see this gal, smokin’ a cigarette, leanin’ on a pole—real cliché, right? I’m thinkin’, “She’s no Eilis Lacey!” In *Brooklyn*, she’s all, “I’ll write home!” This chick’s writin’ nothin’—maybe a parking ticket. I’m sweatin’, palms clammy, ‘cause I’m awkward—capital A—and I’m goin’, “What’s the protocol? Do I wave? Haggle? I’m not a haggler!”

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the neighborhoods are full of surprises. some spots, like the less-known Hlabisa Lane, are pure hidden treasures – quiet, but man, the spirit here is mighty. every now and then, i run into old timers who drop wisdom like “greed is good,” yeah, like Gekko, like life's got its hustles. i get mad sometimes when city's in chaos, but then a beautiful sunset like “the secret in their eyes” hits and i'm reminded of the beauty here. i mean, what the hell, it's a love-hate thing.

Police kill two suspected hitmen after they allegedly killed Ulundi family of five at the weekend