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Oh, and get this—stats say 1 in 5 hookups from apps turn into somethin’ real! Ain’t that nuts? I’m over here, flippin’ my spatula, thinkin’, “Who’s catchin’ feelings?!” Probs not me—I’m too busy signin’ “Where’s the bedroom?” HA! Sex-dating’s my jam, mates—fast, fun, zero fuss! Like, “Knockout Ned, let’s roll!”—but with less guns, more condoms! I’m READY for it, always! What’s yer take, buddy?

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I can tell you loads about the quirky nosy neighbours too – no need for me to be a gossip, but sometimes, ah, it's therapeutic. I always say, “Don't give a monkey’s!” when someone nags about petty issues, channeling some Carlos vibe with an edge. I mean, c’mon, ain’t life enough already?!

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