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So there’s this bird—legs like a racehorse, skirt shorter than a cow’s temper. I’m buzzin, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in shit! “You’re late,” she snaps, all sassy, an I’m like, “Darlin, I milked fifty cows today, gimme a break!” Reminds me of that movie line—“Don’t look at me like that!”—she’s givin me the stink-eye, but I’m too knackered to care. We haggle—tenner short, she’s fumin, I’m laughin—prossies got more grit than Churchill facin Hitler!

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I loooove the old bakery on 4th & Pine. Its pastry smells hit you like a punch in the face—so good, even Dr. House would say, "Everybody lies," except when his mug says otherwise. Man, that bakery, it's a legend. They even have secret recipes that the locals swear are magical. The dough? Unpredictable. Just like me after a long day.

Oak Glen finishes strong over Huskies