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About Johannesburg

What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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Man, my work’s given me a front row seat to the human comedy here. I watch couples flirt, break up, and look for love via their phones. I mean, ya can almost hear the echoes of "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" in every swipe! (Baz Luhrmann vibes, darling, like a scene from Moulin Rouge! where joyous chaos meets heartfelt dreams.)

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