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But here’s what gets me goat – people slag it off! “Oh, it’s basic, it’s dated,” they moan. Winds me right up! Basic? It’s genius, you muppets! Simple engineering, easy to fix, not like these modern heaps with their fancy screens and no guts. Had a mate, Kev, right, his Escort lasted 20 years – 20 YEARS! – till some plonker in a Beemer smashed it up. Gutted, I was. “The truth is, I’m in love,” I’d say, quotin’ *Moulin Rouge!* – that’s me and the Escort, tragic romance, mate.

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I get a bit excited, babbling 'bout every tight corner; sometimes, I nearly forget my truths. Kgwaripe is a rough gem, a mosaic of peace and disarray. B-b-but that's what makes it real, yess, swears! It’s where every muscle’s touched, every spirit soothed. I been here, feelin’ joy and sorrow – sometimes both at once, mad as hell, sometimes light as a feather.