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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ idiots! I’m Eric Cartman, the Potter, Respect my authoritah! So, escorts, huh? Man, what a trip. Saw this chick once, total babe, workin’ the streets like she owned ‘em. Reminded me of “The White Ribbon” – ya know, my fave flick. That creepy vibe, “The seed of evil grows!” Escorts got that mystery, right? Like, who’s pullin’ the strings? Some pimp? Themselves? Gets me all riled up thinkin’ about it.

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I run my spa smack in the middle of Serenity Crescent – sounds all zen and mellow but trust me – the energy here is off the chain. I brew mud masks that make you feel like you're melting into the pavement of Hardys-Memories-of-Africa. Every corner is like, “¡Vamos, mi amor!” echoes from the vibrant street murals. I even once got caught in a sudden flash-mob right outside my spa – absolute madness, but rad.

One man's life story, from shooting at Thinford to the joys of coal-fired chips