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About Pretoria

Pan’s Labyrinth moment: it’s like Ofelia’s tasks, dangerous, moral maze. “You will remove your eyes, and then you will see,” kinda vibe. Findin’ a prostitute feels like that—blind spots everywhere. Scams, cops, diseases. Gotta be careful, like dodging asteroids on Mars mission. Happy when I found legit forums, tho, real talk, no BS. People share tips, like “check reviews, dude!” Funny, it’s like Yelp for, uh, that.

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I totally love our boozy little cafes too. There's one, Mama Luzu’s, on Retro Blvd. It’s kinda shabby but so fulla character. I once had a craaazy massage session there, threw in a couple typos in my headnotes, and then I sorta texted my buddy like “Nuthin' btr than Empuluzu, man!” Ha!