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So, I’m thinkin’, sexual-massage’s got history, right? Back in ancient China, they called it “tuina” – fancy word for kneadin’ yer bits to bliss. Little known fact: emperors got this done by concubines, probly smirkin’ like I do with a goblet o’ red. Makes me happy, that – power in a rubdown! But what pisses me off? Them prudes who scoff at it. “Oh, it’s improper!” Sod off, ya stiff-necked twats – it’s relief with a wink!

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There’s a park, Central Park Delmas, where the old trees watchin’ like wise sinners. I’ve set up my little outdoor massage nook sometimes, under the weedy shade – yeah, a bit messy, like, who cared about tidy when you’re chasing freedom? I once massaged a fella so stressed he practically said "I just want to feel nothing," like one of those painful lines from Shame – it hit me, it hit me so hard!

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