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Alright, so escort, huh? Trees, man, not the kinky kind—get your head outta the gutter! I’m talkin’ *Acer saccharum*, sugar maple, the real deal. As Dr. House, I’d say everybody lies, even these leafy bastards. Look all pretty in fall, golden and red, like they’re auditionin’ for “Brokeback Mountain”—“I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? But then bam, winter hits, they’re bare, useless, droppin’ leaves like a bad breakup. Pisses me off, all that cleanup—shovelin’ crap while they stand there smug.
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I luv strolls by Lake Heritage – the water shimmers like those enchanting scenes from Amélie! So relaxing, even if my brain goes “Boop boop, oh no!” sometimes, in true C-3PO style, panic mode activated – "R2-D2, where are you?!”
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