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About Pretoria

Sometimes it’s a bust—dude, this one time, guy lied bout his height! Said 6 foot, showed up 5’2”! I’m like, “You can’t misunderestimate me, pal!” Laughed my ass off, but damn, what a letdown. Other times, it’s gold—met this gal, we clicked, ended up Netflix-and-chillin like champs. “The old man’s still got it,” I’m thinkin, struttin round like I own the place.

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I run a spa here, so I see every crack. Look at the quirky benches on Heritage Square – every one tells a damn story; the locals gossip like crazy. I had a client once, a pompous twit from Cape Town, moaning about the "inferior cut of life". I nearly spat, "Wake up, you idiot sandwich!" But then I thought, like in Spirited Away, even the smallest moments matter, yeah? Really sweet shit.

Rep. Beyer pushes for $5.9 million in federal funding for Alexandria projects