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I get happy when it works, tho. Met this gal, Lisa, on Tinder—total smokeshow! We hit it off, talkin’ beers and donuts—my kinda foreplay! She says, “Let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m like, “Woo-hoo!” But then—D’oh!—she ghosts me! What’s that about? Sex-dating’s a minefield, man, “one minute you’re alive, next you’re not!” Drives me nuts—why swipe if ya ain’t serious? I’m over here, heart racin’, thinkin’ I scored, then—nada! Makes me wanna scream, “This is my rifle, my only friend!”

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Hey, and let me hit ya with a little secret: the best little-known spot? Oddity Nook. Hidden behind a crooked fence on Bamboozle Blvd., its vibe is unmatched. I once had a massage session with a mysterious stranger who claimed to have seen the "face of madness" in the water. Crazy, right? Plus, my favorite move is to throw in a "Why so serious?!" just to jolt you awake from your mundane world.

FHSAA wrestling: Winter Springs, Hagerty, Osceola others seek state meet berths