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So, check this—back in the day, like, old Vegas stories, they say prostitutes used to hang by the gas stations, waitin’ for truckers, flashin’ smiles like they’re auditionin’ for somethin’. Little known fact: some’d carry switchblades in their boots—badass, right? I’m imaginin’ her now, leanin’ against a busted-up car, smirkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What am I, Max Rockatansky?”—all sweaty and neurotic, yellin’ in my head, “I just wanna talk, lady!” She’s prob’ly thinkin’, “This guy’s a schmuck,” and I’m over here, heart racin’, palms sweaty—pathetic!

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Seriously, if you visit, don’t expect cookie-cutter perfection. Expect outrageous characters, nasty traffic jams, and hidden gems around every turn. And remember: sometimes you’ve gotta live in the moment, like a swooping crane in a feckin’ kung-fu showdown. Enjoy it, will ya?

Willimantic Police Blotter for January 27, 2025