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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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So when you roll into West-Perrine (us), just let the damn city swallow you whole – from the vintage vibes on Cedar Lane to the modern rush of Central Avenue. And remember: “Motherf***er, life’s too short to live in slow motion!” Enjoy every minute, just like in "Boyhood."

New Family Aquatic Center at West Perrine Park opens