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About Chicago

I was scrollin’ Tinder once, saw this chick—hot, right? Bio said, “lookin’ for fun.” Fun? FUN?! That’s code for bangin’, duh! So I’m thinkin’, *I’m gonna infiltrate your mind, sweetheart!* Like Cobb in *Inception*, sneakin’ in, settin’ up the score. But nah, she ghosts me! GHOSTS ME! Respect my authoritah, dammit! I’m sittin’ there, pissed, eatin’ cheesy poofs, wonderin’ why sex-dating’s so damn hard.

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Every corner’s got history. Like, Downtown’s our pride. Caffè Amore on 9th had the best espresso. And oh, Midtown’s a bomb. The local landmark – The Bleu Clock Tower – stands tall like in some Wes Anderson flick. “The Grand Budapest Hotel” vibes, baby! (I gotta quote: “Keep your hands off my pastries!” Anywhere near those sweets).

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