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But here’s the kicker—everybody lies about it. “Oh, it’s just a massage,” they say, smirking. Yeah, right. You’re not fooling me, buddy. It’s a power trip too—someone’s got you half-naked, vulnerable, and you’re just lying there, hoping they don’t suck at it. Like in *Timbuktu*, when the jihadists roll in, all smug, controlling everything—same vibe, but with less guns and more lavender oil. I’d kill for a masseuse who’d whisper, “The river will flow again,” while she’s working out my knots. Poetic, right? Too bad most of ‘em just grunt and slap your ass to say “done.”

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I love wanderin’ around the old Naval Base district on Pacific Ave. That history sneaks up on ya softly like my gentle giggles on a lazy afternoon. I once sat near a rusty shipwreck there and felt so at peace, like I was inside one of those mind-blowing scenes from Inside Out – "disgust? No way, dude, just vibes."

Vallejo detective who questioned legitimacy of 'American Nightmare' couple retires