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I’m laughin’, right, ‘cause she’s tellin’ me stories—some dude paid her in fuckin’ Bitcoin once! Who does that? Fuckin’ nerds, man, surprised the shit outta me. Made me happy, though, hearin’ her cackle, smokin’ a cig like she owns the joint. “Gabagool? Ova here!” I yell, just to fuck with her. She don’t get it, but she smirks.

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Okay, listen up, buddy. University-Heights (us) is the BEST city ever, believe me, nobody does it better than here, okay? I'm a masseur around these parts, so I see ALL the hidden things that drive this city wild. Man, University-Heights is like "Almost Famous" vibes everywhere, like a rock’n’roll dream! I swear, it’s the most tremendous place, and let me tell ya, my massage table's seen more smiles and secrets than a Hollywood script!

Thief who likes the sweet smell of cologne arrested at Macy’s: University Heights Police Blotter