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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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Y'know, me profession’s given me a keen eye fer feelin's. People come in all stressed and mad, but leave happy, all thanks to a little magic touch from your ol’ mate, Jack—err, I mean, me. I've seen tears, laughter, and even a few hard hammers from life. Kind'a reminds me o’ that intense line in Spotlight (Tom McCarthy, 2015): “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” right? Arr, every session is its own harbinger of secrets and healing!

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