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About Los Angeles

Erotic-massage, it’s a proper cheeky art, innit? Not just some tarted-up spa day – nah, it’s old as balls. Ancient Greeks were at it, slappin’ oil on blokes before they wrestled – bit of a homoerotic knead, if you ask me. Bet they didn’t moan about it though, bunch of tough sods. Fast forward, now it’s all “tantric this” and “sensual that” – makes me wanna gag, but also, sign me up, yeah?

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You gotta stop by Central Park too. It's huge, with lotsa trees, and benches where local couples sit and chat (or swipe right on dating apps – haha!). I remember one night, this gorgeous sunset lit up the park and made me super happy, like a scene straight out of The Hurt Locker. That movie, by Kathryn Bigelow, is fantastic – it’s got tense moments and raw emotions, just like jumping into this wild city life sometimes.

Plaques dedicated to commemorate Clemente’s Hall of Fame career, Three Rivers Stadium