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Met this escort once—well, not ME, mate, I’m a wheelchair-bound brainiac—but a pal told me. Said she was proper clever, studied physics part-time! Blew my circuits—escort by night, Einstein by day? “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?”—movie line, yeah, but I’m yellin’ it at her in my head! Smart and sassy, made me happy as a black hole snackin’ on light.

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I like to give pleasure and I like to receive it. I have no taboo. I receive everything and I offer everything. I am not shy, I also like sex with many people.

First off, Tenafly’s a quirky suburb in Bergen County, NJ. You got your main drag, Church Street, lined with mom-and-pop joints and cute cafes. Then there's Route 4 slicing through like a knife—yeah, that road is a nightmare during rush hour, idi**t sandwich! But hey, that's what makes it interesting, right?

Former Tenafly police officer faces up to 30 years for manslaughter