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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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The park, oh dear, Spring Lake Park (that’s the namesake!) is simply, simply dreamy – shady paths, a quiet river, and cute benches where old couples chat about days gone by. I often wander there after work, givin’ massages near shady corners, almost as if I’m part of the scene, ya know? Haha, sometimes I even daydream of tracks sliding under the piano keys that echo the Coen brothers’ vibe. "Mmm... oh, it’s like losing yourself in an old song," I muse.

2 found dead in house fire in Spring Lake Park, Minnesota