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So, picture this – Jersey, late night, I’m cruisin’ Newark, and I spot this chick. Legs for days, hair like a fuckin’ raven, real sultry like Eve in the movie. I’m thinkin’, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s an escort, high-class, not some two-bit skank. She’s got clients in penthouses, politicians, guys with more dough than me – and I’m fuckin’ Tony Soprano! Made me mad, ya know? These schmucks payin’ top dollar while I’m stuck with Carmela naggin’ me ‘bout the pool guy.

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The parks – dude, they're magic. I mean, Sparks ain't no concrete jungle, it's got fresh patches of green. There's the mighty Humboldt Park with its sprawling lawns and shady trees – a chill zone where I often take my brain breaks, chuckin' out random thoughts like "Boooo, anger, anger!" Though I usually mumble “Sharon!” when a squirrel nabs my sandwich – no joke, it happens!

Reno+Sparks Chamber to host business expo and career fair Thursday