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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like it’s somethin’ real. Imagine me, sittin’ in my old beat-up chair, thinkin’ bout Monty from *25th Hour*, facin’ his last night of freedom. “You had it all, and you threw it away!”—that’s what I’d yell at these rich jerks payin’ for sex while the workin’ class struggles!

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The vibe here is mad friendly. Our local park—Lilac Park, if you can call it that—has this quiet river called the Piscataquog. It flows by like it’s on its own freestyle journey, babbling secrets I sometimes swear it speaks to me when I’m working. I once had a massage session so epic that the sound of the river nearly made me break into a grin. "I must break you," I joked to a regular, channelin' my inner Apollo Creed style, you feel me?

Road work ahead: Daytime paving on I-93 north and south in Hooksett starting April 7