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About New York City

So, I tried it once—don’t judge me! This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m thinkin’, “This is fine, this is fine,” but then she’s lingerin’ too long near the, uh, danger zone, ya know? And I’m screamin’ in my head, “I’m not that guy! I’m not!” Like, I just wanted my knots gone, not a happy ending! But lemme tell ya, it’s wild—did you know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Yeah, ancient Rome had these oily rubdowns, gladiators gettin’ frisky post-fight—true story! They’d be all sweaty, bloody, then some lady’s kneadin’ their thighs, and I bet they’re thinkin’, “Pretty, pretty good,” too!

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I’ve even got my personal fave: a little dive bar on Rattery Lane. Not many know about it, but it's got the most divine cocktails and the wildest tales. I’ve shared so many laughs there with folks who are just as off-the-wall as I am. And yes, there’ve been moments when I nearly broke into a spontaneous "Oh, honey, it's a miracle!" laugh – just like in my best Fran Drescher style!

Photos: DEL boys golf finals at Shadow Hills Golf Club in Indio