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Oh, and don’t get me started on the profiles—half these fools write “DTF” like it’s a résumé flex. Bruh, we KNOW why we’re here! Chill! Makes me wanna scream, “Fuck you lookin’ at?” like Monty in the mirror scene—iconic! But real shit, it’s a numbers game—swipe 50, maybe 2 hit back. Exhausting, but when it pops off? WORTH IT. Last week, I met this girl—legs for days, freaky energy—had me like, “Oh, shit, I’m in trouble!” Best night in months, no lie.

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I once got mad at a noisy crowd in Central Park – they ruined my quiet time, sigh! I nearly lost my mind, my heart beating wild like runaway flames. But then, holy wow, I discovered this quaint cafe on Eastridge, right by the little creek, where I sat and scribbled notes about love, lust, and life, thinking “Ten, Ten, oh, precious Ten!” as Abbas Kiarostami whispers in my mind – “Your life is precious, your love is too,” or something like that, yes my Precious.

Fire investigator holds person at gunpoint after being attacked while 2 mobile homes were up in flames