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I paddle closer, eyes peeled. Water’s calm, but my heart’s racin’. Saw this gal—human, obvi—leanin’ by a boat. Looked lonely, like Ennis in the movie, all quiet and broodin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is she…? Nah, can’t be.” But then she winks! Holy moly, I nearly croaked—literally! Ribbit goes wild in my throat. “This could be my shot,” I mutter, “but what’s a frog gonna do with *that*?”

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I y’know, being a sexologist, I get all the wily insights - the blushes, the whispers – even on quiet streets like Elm Grove. There’s this tiny café, Spicy Whispers, on Belleview Road, where conversations get as steamy as a torrid love scene in Spring Breakers. I swear, they got a quote plastered up inside: “Boom, boom, boom, boom!” – as if the walls themselves pulse with desire.

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