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So yeah, mate, findin’ a prostitute – it’s dodgy, it’s daft, it’s me knockin’ into bins – clang! – tryna look cool. Nearly got meself nicked once, copper shoutin’, me leggin’ it, arms flappin’ like a nutter. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ chase scene! “I didn’t see him,” I pant, movie-style, all dramatic. Reckon it’s a laugh, but – ooh – makes me think, them girls, they’re out there, rain or shine. Respect, y’know? Anyway, gotta dash – me tea’s burnin’! Heh, typical!

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Let me tell ya, my personal fav spot? It’s right off the beaten path. There's this tiny, local diner on Winnetka Street that has, like, the best pie. Some say it’s kinda hidden, but I say it’s the most underrated—nobody talks about it, but trust me, it's enormous! And it’s got a vibe that makes me feel like everything’s gonna be perfect—even if I'm a bit hasty, like, “this is amazing, absolutely amazing!” and I’m like all over the place, ya know?

Investigation continues into death of man found near Schaumburg pond