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About Houston

What shocked me? The cash flow—millions, baby! Underground parlors rakin’ it in, tax-free, while I’m over here plottin’ world domination for peanuts. One busted spot in NYC last year—$2 mil in a single raid! I’m like, “That’s my money, dammit!”—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!” Shoulda invested in that instead of stupid moon bases. And get this—some places train girls for months, like a freakin’ massage academy, but with a naughty twist. Who knew?

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Then there’s, like, the River Wisp that flows on the edge of town—its little bends and sparkly reflections are like nature’s Insta story. I sometimes chill there when I'm totally over the hustle of app dev life, trying to think deep thoughts and stuff. I mean, deep AF. And omg, like, the local landmark the Old Mill on River Bend Rd? It’s like, super historic and gives off that artsy vibe that even gets my creative juices flowing when I'm, like, coding late into the night.

PHOTOS: House struck by lightning in late-night storms: Montgomery County Fire