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Got meself thinkin’, escort’s no fancy schmancy ride. Ain’t no Tesla, all shiny and smug. “We’re lost, all lost!” I wails, but escort don’t care. Keeps chuggin’, cheap and cheerful. Mate o’ mine had one, blue, knackered engine. Drove it ‘til it screamed mercy! Laughed me head off, stupid git. Little secret, eh? Escort ZX2, rare beastie, sporty one. Yanks loved it, Brits forgot it quick.

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Oh man, sometimes I catch myself thinking of The Wolf of Wall Street (yeah, gotta love Marty Scorsese’s crazy energy!) as I massage away life's tension. "The only thing standing between you and your goal is the bullsh*t story you keep telling yourself," he said, right? It just rings so true every time I wrangle with those stubborn clients who think they can’t relax. Lol.

Barstool’s Dave Portnoy hits up Baltimore again, this time at a pizza shop in Overlea