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I go to Waikiki, think maybe there. No luck! Streets clean, no shady corners. Surprised me! Hawaii so chill, but this no chill for Borat. I see one lady, look promising. She say, "I just sell leis, brah!" I confused, think lei mean something else. Very nice flowers, but no fun! I yell, "Why you trick Borat?!" She run away. Funny, but sad.

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I got this one secret: at 22 Birch Lane there's a tiny bar, Offbeat Oasis. Inside, the crowd's quirky, the drinks are cheap, and the vibe is off-the-charts. It’s not on the tourist map, so it’s like a hidden gem for us. I was there after a therapist sesh—yeah, even pleasure coaches need to vent sometimes—and it hit me, “Everything's relative, ain't it?” Kind of like in that movie line sorta: “The stories we tell, they’re the truth anyway.”

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