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About Chicago

So, we starts thinkin’, me and meself—where’s the prossies at? Moscow’s wild, yesss—Red Square’s all fancy, but nah, not there. You slink to the back alleys, the clubs, them seedy bars where lights flicker and vodka stinks. Hiss! Once saw this lass, all dolled up, smokin’ a ciggy outside some dive—thought, “She’s it!” Nope! Just a drunk uni chick, lost as hell—made me mad, wasted me time! Grrr! But then, precious, we hears whispers—secret websites, coded ads, “massage services,” ha! Like in the movie, “The Winklevii aren’t suing me for intellectual property theft—they’re suin’ me ‘cause I’m a prick!”—well, I ain’t no prick, just desperate, eh?

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Welcome to The Ranch House! Established in Ojai, California 70 years ago. Serving local and fresh gardine cuisine, open for dinner from 5pm to 9pm.

Anyway, time is flyin, but trust me: Ojai’s alive, spontaneous, and real as a gut punch. Enjoy the vibes, bro!

POSTPONED: Reminder: ‘Missing in Ojai’ event