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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout prostitutes, oh boy! I’m like, Assistant Secretary Michael Scott, ya know, always seein’ the bright side, cringey optimism baby! “That’s what she said!” Haha, kills me every time. So, prostitutes, right? They’re out there, hustlin’, makin’ it work. Kinda like in my fave movie, *The Return*—ya seen it? Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003, pure gold! These two boys, their dad comes back, all mysterious, and it’s like, “Where’ve you been?” Same vibe with prostitutes—where they been, what’s their story?

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I know, I know, I’m like, totally overdramatizing home, but it’s my life, ya know? And hey, check out Sunset Blvd near our side streets sometimes—it’s like a movie scene every evening. I legit feel like I'm in Tabu, like each lane has its own story and vibe. If you try our local smoothie at the corner of Elm and Church, you’ll be, like, instantly hooked. Btw, I’ve had sooo many typos in texts because I’m in a hurry sometimes, but hey, that’s the real talk.

PHOTOS: Firefighters say farewell to Jim Feldhusen