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Movie line hits: “Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?” Escorts bank on that! Dudes out here trippin’, payin’ for a smile. I’m screamin’, “WAKE UP, FOOL!” but also—damn, I get it. Been there, heart all dumb and mushy. Once saw an escort ad—$500 for “girlfriend vibes.” I’m like, “Bruh, for $500, my violin better sing *and* cuddle me!”

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got mad once while strollin around Washington's Headquarters Museum (i know, wild juxtaposition, right?) so much history in a small spot, it blows my mind, like, immediately. i also love when i cruise past Morris Street, remember? vibe checks done—it's uncanny how place and soul meet! also, check out the Morris County Library on Central Avn, it's like a portal, for real!

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