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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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I also dig the vibe at Riverview Park near the river bend – or um, River Bend Road? Seriously, the calm water makes you forget all the drama, just for a sec. In my many walks, I pick up on teen slang, overhear heart-to-heart convos that remind me "we're all just trying to find our way."

Morrilton and Valley View go down to the wire in overtime