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Little fact for ya—didja know some prostitutes in history were spies? Yeah, sneakin’ secrets while, uh, y’know—workin’! Wild, huh? I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “The music’s over”—like in the movie—but nah, it’s just startin’ for her! I’m all goofy, starin’ at her like she’s a jellyfish I wanna poke. “Is this love?” I mutter, then laugh—nah, Patrick, ya dummy, it’s business!

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Yo, listen up, friend. Lemme tell ya 'bout Montecito – pure magic, dude! You merely adopted the dark. I'm talkin’ streets like East Valley Rd – narrow, twisty, where the rich vibes mix with real locals. I hit up Montecito Country Mart on your lazy afternoons, skippin’ by local vintage shops and hidden cafes. Man, it’s like every corner got a secret, ya feel me?

Inside Meghan Markle’s ‘fun’ life in Montecito: Girls’ nights out, playdates, Pilates and more