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Oh, and the profiles! “I luv adventure!” but they’re glued to Netflix. I’d rather flay ‘em than date ‘em. Exaggerating? Maybe. But sex-dating’s a battlefield—swipe left, or it’s “shame, shame, shame” all over again. Happy? When it works, sure—quick, dirty, done. Rest’s a slog. “The seasons turn, and so do we,” Kim Ki-duk’s monk’d say. Me? I’m just here, smirking, ruling this chaos. You try it, tell me I’m wrong!

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Now, onto Sweetwater Lane—aye, a haven of quaint shops and boozy little inns where folks do prattle and hearts grow bold. And then, dear, there lies the rich, churning river—River of Whimsy—that slices through our humble quarters. Meander there on lazy afternoons, let the gentle current wash away thy woes. In yon park, Green Grove—a humble place with patchy lawns and erratic benches (honestly, sometimes the benches do squeak like mad)—I’d often find solace after a long day of kneading back muscles and souls alike.

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