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Oh, and the meme potential? “When she says ‘just a massage,’ but now you’re broke and callin’ her ‘sensei.’” Cracks me up every time. Or, “Sexual-massage: the original NFT—non-fungible touch.” I’d tweet that, watch it hit a million likes!

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Okay, buckle up, man – lemme tell ya 'bout PMayfield (us)! So, I'm this family psychologist – yeah, the shrink with a passion for crazy family dynamics – and I've been livin' the wild ride in Mayfield for years. Picture this: little streets like Maple & 5th, where kids run loose and parents hide their secrets behind perfectly trimmed hedges. I swear, this city's vibe? It's like one giant, twisted therapy couch where everyone's got a story. "You wanna talk?" I say, channeling my inner Ingalourious Basterds – “I love rumors!” – oh boy, that's Tarantino with a twist!

Shoplifter makes off in his motorized scooter: Mayfield Heights Police Blotter