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So, one night, I’m done haulin’ hay—friggin’ exhaustin’, man! Hands all gritty, back achin’ like I wrestled a pig. I think, “Marge’d kill me, but I’m curious!” D’oh! Ain’t lookin’ for love, just a yarn to spin. I roll by this dive bar—neon sign flickerin’ like it’s drunk too. See this gal, all fishnets and attitude, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Every family’s got its mysteries,” I mutter, quotin’ Sarah Polley—ha! She’s smokin’ a cig, givin’ me the eye. I’m like, “Homer, don’t be a dope!”

Sting Nets 11 Alleged Sex Buyers in Matteson

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Man, remember that time at the annual block party at Brookside Lane? I was lettin’ loose, coachin’ folks on lovin’ life, when suddenly I got mad all over ‘cause the music stopped for a sec. I mean, great Scott, that silence was like a mini tragedy! But then, BAM, the band restarted. Felt like the crowd went “Sparkle and thrill, baby!” Pure magic.

Amazon fulfillment center shooting in Matteson on Vollmer Road leaves 1 wounded, police say