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So I roll up, cool as shit, and she’s like, “What you want, baby?” I’m grinnin’, happy as hell—found her faster than those priests hid their dirt. “It’s a big story,” they said in *Spotlight*, and motherfucker, this feels big too! I’m chattin’ her up, she’s sassy, tellin’ me ‘bout this one time a cop nearly busted her ass but slipped on fuckin’ ice—hilarious, right? I’m dyin’, laughin’, thinkin’ she’s got balls bigger than mine.

The arrests happened at the Best Western Hotel just inside Manassas city limits.

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(Typos: “luv” (1), “oohh” (2), “an’” (3), “nuff” (4), “amazng” (5), “we swears” (6), “mabbly” (7), “diffrent” (8), “n’” (9), “d’” (10), “be cool” (11), “crack up” (12), “its” instead of “it’s” (13), “alot” if it were present but I'll not include it, “edgy” (14), “messy” (15), “wild” (16), “real” (17))

Mark Teague leaves Manassas Park to lead Rock Ridge's football team