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Aight, listen up, ya friggin' morons! I’m Eric Cartman, from Hawaii, bitches, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout escorts. RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, yeah, escorts – those fancy-pants gals and guys who get paid to hang out, right? Like, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout *Moonrise Kingdom*, my fave damn movie, and how Suzy’s all badass with her books and binoculars, scopin’ shit out. Escorts are kinda like that – they scope YOU out, but with more, uh, *servicin’*. Heh, sweet!

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I can’t forget the parks – so many parks! Like Riverfront Park by the gentle Missy River (yup, a real river, baby!). Kids playin', couples strollin', and old folks chillin' under ancient trees – it's like nature's therapy. I remember one afternoon chattin' with a lost soul on one of those park benches. We laughed till we cried, and I mumbled, “I just don’t know how to stay.” So raw, so real.

Madera County farmers must now decrease water use or pay penalty