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“Wanna ride, cowboy?” she says, and I’m like, “Git-R-Done, darlin’!” We haggle—15 bucks, 20, whatever—I ain’t no millionaire, but I got needs! Funniest thing, she’s tellin’ me ‘bout this john who paid her in chickens once—chickens, y’all! True story, swear it! I’m laughin’ my ass off, picturin’ her struttin’ with a coop under her arm.

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Man, I often zip over to River Bend Park. That park by the Peachtree River? Pure gold. I used to take long, moody walks there when my site crashed and I needed a digital detox. It fails sometimes, but hey, life’s a stage. And truthfully, nothing says “I can see Russia from my house!” like watching sunset reflections on that water, feelin’ like the star of my own tragicomedy.

Obituary of Timothy Wayne Stockman