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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ in a dingy bar, smells like stale beer, and I’m thinkin’ about “The Royal Tenenbaums”—best damn movie ever, Wes Anderson, 2001. Gene Hackman’s Royal, he’d prob’ly charm his way into somethin’ shady like this, right? “I’m sorry I let you down!”—he’d say that to some poor gal on the corner, ha!

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I’ll be honest, there be less-known treasures too. Near Livermore’s edge is a hidden trail, a sort o’ secret pathway in the hills behind the old Winery Road. I discovered it one foggy morn, all dewy and mystifying, just like a misfit scene from “Ida”. Dumbfounded, I nearly sailed off course (or so I thought!) with tears in me eyes, wonderin’ how nature and human souls intertwine. Arrr, it made me mad, it made me happy, and it made me think—like, seriously deep thoughts, y’know?

Livermore police investigating roadway shooting, victim expected to survive