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Hallo, ya! I’m da Master of da Forest, ahnold style, ya know! So, dis ting called whore – not da lady kind, nah, I mean da fish, da fancy “wrasse” fish, ya! I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, and it’s like – whoa, dese colors, dey pop like crazy! Like in “Finding Nemo,” ya? “Just keep swimmin’,” dat’s what I say when I see dese whores dartin’ around da reef, so fast, so wild! Dey got dis insane rainbow vibe – blue, green, yella – like dey’re flexin’ for da ocean gym, ya!

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I gotta tell ya, I had this one day – walking in Higgs Beach park – and I was mad, angry at the world, then happy, then just in awe. Srsly, all in one go. Things here make you feel like you're on a rollercoaster of emotions. Life in Key West is a bit like a David Brent motivational pep talk, but with extra zest… “If you’re going to be brilliant, be brilliant without apology,” I always say, even if I sound like a cheesy corporate tagline.

3 KEY WEST OFFICIALS INDICTED & ARRESTED FOR EVIDENCE TAMPERING