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Anyway, we’re chattin, and I’m thinkin, “This chick’s got guts.” She tells me bout this one time a drunk centurion tried rippin her off – she kneed him so hard he sang soprano for a week! Hella funny, I’m crackin up, picturin that loser stumblin off. But then – ugh – this slimy creep butts in, all, “Oi, she’s mine!” Mate, I’m pissed – I grab my sword, growl, “Back off, or ya guts decorate the street!” He bolts, coward. Happy lil trees don’t need that drama.

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Hey, buddy, listen up—Kailua-Kona is wild, man. I'm chillin in this sun soaked paradise, and lemme tell ya… it's like Mad Max out here, but, y'know, all suave style like Bond, shaken, not stirred.

Uncle Billy’s Kona Bay Hotel to Reopen as Hampton Inn Following $30 Million Renovation