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So I’m pissed, right? Last time I tried this, some chick robbed me blind – took my wallet while I was hummin “Hang me, oh hang me.” Shoulda seen it comin, but nah, I’m too busy bein all cultured and shit. This time, tho, I spot her – red heels, smoky eyes, leanin by a busted lamppost. She’s got that “fare thee well” look, like she’s half outta here already. I’m thinkin, *damn, she’s prolly seen more flops than Llewyn at a gig.*

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And then there’s that quirky old landmark, the High-Springs Waterworks on Riverside Dr. —crazy old, but full of soul. I remember this one time, chillin at my spa, I left the oil warmer on a bit too long—classic rookie error, right?—and the aroma filled the whole damn block. Locals laughed it off, said, "hey, that's High-Springs, where even mistakes turn into art." Kinda like Kanye dropping a bass line outta nowhere.

Jacksonville man arrested for threatening to shoot people in High Springs Hardee's drive-thru