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Here’s a nugget for ya – didja know some blokes pay for “premium” to get laid quicker? Desperate twats! I’m over here laughin’, thinkin’, “You’re wastin’ cash, ya muppet!” Me? I’d rather cook a steak than beg for a bang. Oh, and the apps track your kinks – creepy, right? Like Haneke’s camera stalkin’ you. “Someone’s watchin’ us,” I mutter, deletin’ my profile for the fifth time.

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Bro, don’t even get me started on the murals at the corner of Palm Avenue and 7th Street – they be speakin’ in colors, all deep and bazinga! And there’s this chill little spot near Hialeah Market – an unofficial relax zone, ya know? I always joke that workin’ as a masseur in this town puts me in tune with everyone’s miseries and hidden smiles.

Hialeah's first female mayor sworn in