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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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I get happy when I talk to the old folks at the tiny diner on Oak St. They share life like cool jazz – abrupt, flawed. My own vibe? Lost between laughter and heartache. I tend to hesitate, over analyze every smile. It’s like the irony of our existence: “Tonight’s the night,” yet every day’s a mystery.

MCSO: Henrietta man had illegal guns, machine gun conversion kits mailed to him from China