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But when it works? Mate, it’s gold. Met this one gal, fiery redhead, proper filthy mind. We’re chattin’, she’s sendin’ nudes faster than I can blink. Next night, we’re at it like rabbits. Happiest I been in ages—felt like a king, not some grubby miner. “Let me tell you my story,” like them killers in the movie, but it’s me braggin’ bout conquests over a pint.

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Also, check out the riverfront down near Riverside Drive. OMG, the sunsets there are bloody gorgeous, like "I feel like a character in Lost in Translation" – sometimes I stop mid-massage to just gawk at the sky because, like, nature is soooo extra! Sometimes, though, the noise from nearby road construction makes me so mad – but the fun part is that it gave me some wild ideas for a new aromatherapy blend that mimics urban energy. I know, right?

Glassboro earns season-opening victory, but did the Bulldogs learn a lesson from the game?