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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

10 Hot Spots For Chicago's Prostitutes

Greater Grand Crossing, also known as Community Area #69, is a neighborhood east of Englewood on the South Side. For those who may not be familiar, it’s where Al Capone’s Missing: prostitute.

The streets are poppin'. Main St. is where the party's at. I always give my clients a chill massage just off 3rd Ave. near Oaksy Park. That park? Pure magic. I once had a client cry happy tears right there! Soo cool, you know? The vibe is like "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" – deep, soulful, and a bit surreal. I mean, "I must not be afraid!" and all that jazz!

Man found shot to death in Greater Grand Crossing