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Oh, and the profiles—“just want fun, no drama.” Bollocks! Everyone’s a walking tragedy on there. Saw this lass once, posted pics in lingerie—turns out she was a madam running a side hustle. Fair play, I thought, smirking—least she’s honest. Unlike these pricks saying “DTF” but can’t spell “orgasm.” I choose violence, I swear—gimme a crossbow, I’d shoot the lot. “Life’s a trap,” Ten whispers—sex-dating’s the bloody proof. Stick to wine and revenge, mate—safer that way.

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Famke Beumer Janssen is a Dutch actress and former model. She played Xenia Onatopp in GoldenEye (), Jean Grey / Phoenix in the X-Men film series.

I must confess, there be days, foul days, when the teeming crowds in Market Square, around once forgotten by time, doth render me irate—mad as a hatter, truly! Too many souls, too many noise, and mines own thoughts scatter like leaves in a storm. Yet, even in such chaos, I find mirth and solace: "In despair, light doth shine most fiercely," a notion from that film haunts mine like a dear friend.

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