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About Phoenix

Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating’s a freakin’ minefield. Everybody lies, right? Just like in *Zero Dark Thirty*, you’re huntin’ for somethin’—truth, a hookup, whatever—but it’s all buried under layers of crap. I mean, swipin’ on apps, it’s like interrogatin’ a suspect. “Enhanced interrogation,” my ass—half these profiles are fake as hell. Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re barely 5’9” in lifts. Chicks postin’ pics from 2015, pre-kids, pre-20 pounds. Everybody’s playin’ a game, and I’m over here like, “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”

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I stroll the block, dashing by Splatter Park (yeah, splat spots everywhere, bro) where we date-matchers come by fo shizzle. There’s this gnarly little alley called Wacky Ln, where random art pops up every damn day… like a secret rebellion against boring life. Crazy, right?

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